I just converted my Windows XP into a Mac OS x Leopard. Click here for a preview (Don’t right click and open in a new tab/window). What I did may not be the easiest way but if you want a quick make over, just follow the links. You can transform a Windows Vista too.

Things i did to get this.

• Disabled Windows file protection.
• Replaced Shell32.dll, Mydocs.dll, Explorer.Exe with newer and updated files.
• Installed Window blinds. Found and applied Mac OSX Leopard Visual style.
• Installed MacSearch for Spotlight.
• Installed RK launcher.
• Installed new Shader called SwiftShader for minimize & maximize effects.
• Installed and applied Mac Cursors for my mouse pointer.
• Installed Yahoo Widgets.
• Got High Quality Mac style wallpapers

Now, I don’t even remember what all I did. The above list is a few things I recall. I did all this without transformation packs. A Perfect mac may never be achieved no matter how skilled you are. So keep tweaking until you feel its right. Or of course, if you got money to burn. Buy a mac. 

Next week, i think i’ll go for Gnome =) I’ll never go for Windows Vista by the way. Just hate that thing.

Here is a list of pages that’ll help you transform yours.

1. Nineteen labs
2. deviantillusionz
3. Consolespot – A forum with more tweaks.

Hope you have fun =) If you got questions, just leave a comment and i’ll get back to you.

Photo: Me with a temporary tattoo.

Me // I’ve been through a lot in my life. It’s not always been easy not knowing where you’re going to go or if things are going to work out. Over the years I’ve been hit with so many things it’s left me with scars all over the place. Not just the kind you can see though, but the kind you can’t see. I’ve been through a lot it goes without saying. Over the years I’ve made many mistakes. I’m about as flawed as I can be. I’m also wiser than I am old. —- But I still make mistakes and live in my mistakes.

Atheist blogger // ”I don’t think I’m strong enough”, will then soon become – “You’re not strong enough.” “I don’t think this is right,” becomes – “That is wrong.” When people are against you, for whatever reason they have chosen to be so – anything they can expose as “flaw”, anything they could even possibly try to use as a weapon against you – trying, all the time, every minute of each hour of every day, to wear you down to the breaking point – because, everyone has one.

Nobody can hold out forever, there simply comes a point where no person can withstand the abuse put on them by the torment of having their life, their liberties granted to them with that life, and the freedom entitled to all human beings on this earth – stepped on, spit at, and otherwise trodden on as though they were nonexistent. The courage, and more so – the pride of this Unknown Rebel, symbolizes the struggle of man as he faces that which destroys him. The Unknown Rebel is simply the personification of any of life’s struggles, played out against a turbulent Tiananmen background. The demons of our lives may seem as tanks, yet it proves that one man’s courage to stand against it can make even that tank budge.  —- This is how I think each time I start writing a blog entry reaching out to Atheists & Theists alike.

My Writings & Paintings // Everyday, I wake-up saying, today isn’t just another day! Today, I’ll create something beautiful. Let it be an essay or a digital art. —- They say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But sometimes, some people can see through mine as I see through theirs.

There are hidden depths, rich pools that lie between the billow and surge of my mental landscape.  They crowd and overflow with a secret color that is unceasingly impatient to be loosed upward.  These images are embryonic, straining for the chance to thrive and transfer.  They would revel in the shape and vibrancy contained by something as simple as the entry “Untitled”  But the path from these hatcheries of vision, down through the veins coursing in my arms, and into the muscles of each of the fingers of my hand…that path is a very hazy one. Is it a wannabe blogger’s hand? or a painter’s hand ? I still ponder over the names I’m being  called “A wannabe maddox”? …Wtf is that all about?

I sit here pondering the path of expression, but I have not expressed.  I have not moved.  The screen is still, and the document untouched.  If making the decision to show up is eighty percent of the matter (Woody Allen), then what of the other twenty percent? Perhaps it is the knowledge that I have a verdant imagination, ten capable fingers, and one keyboard and a trusty mouse to make it all a reality.  Nothing more is required, except that I step past hesitation.

Oh, I can feel it now.  When I give in and let go, the strokes will be fluid and light.  They will curve and twist in firm and bold touch. And my words, they will be freed with time, after the streams of mind have eroded and smoothed away every resistance along the surface of my fears.  They will be transformed.  Bleeding and rushing.  Applied rich or running with spidery fingers.  Living and open, falling over the virtual texture of vast parchment that waits, blanched white and bare.  Every pixel will sigh within the wash. And my curser will awake from suspended animation, as if they have been holding their breath the whole time, like I have been holding mine.

Thought. Keyboard. Imagination. Photoshop. Fingers. Mouse. 

My heart descends upon that knowledge. With deep breath I examine my upturned palms.   Then, my hands reaches forward, presses down, and settles. Either the mouse draws in the energy from my hand to make a picture with the colors that fill my heart, mostly black and gray. Or my keyboard pulls in my fingers towards its keys.

Then, they move.

Death, it has always the most captivate, dark, unknown and sometimes scariest part of the lifeprocess – for those who believe in an afterlife and for those who don’t alike.

I’ve never wanted to be buried in a church cemetery with a cross over my head. Reminds me of the joke “All dressed up and no place to go“. A cross that I never had much respect for. Its not exactly the cross that I don’t have respect for. Its the people who used it that is the reason for my lack of respect for an ancient symbol that survived centuries of history.

When does a person become dead? Is it when the heart stops beating? Is it when the last pulse rushes through the brain? Is it when the eyes die? When does death of a person become scientific and not emotional? Is it when the last person they knew die? or is it when last person that knew them dies?

When you see a dead body, what is it that makes us feel alive and dead at the same time? I’m not a perfect person. There are many things I wish I didn’t do. But I keep learning from my mistakes. Its the result of all the mistakes that I did that makes me who I am. Not the many rights I might have done.

Atheists do not believe in afterlife. Strong Atheists say they can disprove the theory of afterlife. Christians believe in the opposite. Weak Atheists don’t claim to disprove it, but they don’t believe either. A weak atheist like me, would trade anything to be as sure as either of them are.

I know, that in time, people I know are going to die, at least some of them before I do. It will create a huge gap in my world, a gap that’ll never be filled. Those who will not have a grave that I can visit, will remain a greater sorrow than those that left a physical place to remember. Should that gap be worsened for those who will miss me too? Should I choose not to be buried in a cemetery?

I was raised a Catholic. Sure I’ve walked through the cemetery at night to prove how brave I was. I did it with my belief that there are no ghosts. Those were steps which deepened my roots in Atheism. I think about my death and being put in a grave now and again. I do not want have a cross over my dead remains after I pass on. But is it my decision to make?

But the only thing I am sure about is this – If I’m buried in a traditional catholic grave, I will have atleast one person there with pansies. The sweet little purple, red and white flowers that symbolises free thought. The pansy derives its name from the French word pensée, which means “thought”. It was so named because the flower resembles a human face, and in the month of August it nods forward as if deep in thought. Atleast one person who respects what I stood for when I was alive. But if I don’t have a grave, my ashes will be flowing as a part of wind, earth and air across the places that I never made it to. And settle down with mother earth over time, or go back into the blender, until the end of days.

I hope their smiles don’t fade. Because I’ll be smiling at the time of my death. They say your whole life flashes in front of you a second before death. I’ll not be waiting for salvation, because I’ll be thinking “Lets do it one more time!”. Sure I’ll be smiling at a well spend life. How hard can it be compared to living in a world with people who can’t trust, love or respect each other? =)

Blog image by XYZ 

Act of Random Kindness.

A small note on how to change the world. Now don’t think that I just saw Bruce Almighty and wanted to put it out on my blog. I have seen the movie many times but it is not the reason for this blog entry. This entry goes out to all my Theist and Atheist readers, as well as all those stuck in between.

A few days ago, I was thinking about the word “Activist”. I want to make alot of changes in the world that we live in, or more like, the world a group of us live in. Atheists.

In today’s society, Atheists are the ones who get cold stares and they are the ones that hide in closets. I tried many ways to reach out for those who don’t out themselves. But when I look at it from a few steps away from the screen, I realise that there is a whole world out there that still misjudge Atheists for something that they are not. I cannot help but just accept the fact that my life will come to an end before I see the whole world become rationally thinking people. We are an unreasonable race. We do not put away our petty differences and see the good in each other. Maybe we only see it after its too late. Maybe we see it only at the brink.

I’ve decided to test a theory. I’ve decided to get on the ARK. Act of Random Kindness. So how do I plan to change the world? By influencing the people around me, one by one, I change my world, as well as theirs. Call it Pay It Forward’s Chinese kids jumping at the same time to tilt the world from its axis or Bruce Allmighty’s coincidental defnition of ARK. I don’t mind. But please don’t tell me not to follow my heart. This is just a personal quest, not asking anyone to jump in the bandwagon. Its been brewing inside for a very long time. I’m not obsessed with a movie, please don’t get the idea. And I know this is something similar to what people do if they have been touched by something. The movie didn’t touch me at all in that sense. Sure it was funny, but it raised more questions than the answers it gave. I guess it wasn’t meant to give any answers anyway.

Its 5:30 am and I can hear the distant prayers from a mosque I cannot see from my window. I know its a mosque by the echos of prayers but I do not see it. If seeing is believing, then, we must show what we want others to know – we must not, I mean, I must not blurt it all out on a blog page or put up a video on YouTube and expect the whole world to believe in me or think about what they believe in.

From today, I’m going to try it out. I know, its not something that happens over night, it requires alot of patience and alot of selfless acts. I must retrain my mind for this, and find ways to get through people’s bubbles. I must try to not be too open or put myself in an undesirable situation. In simple words, I must not let my guards down. After all, we are all animals. And then, we are human.

Have a nice day everyone.

Atheism.

Religion is like breakfast. Its the most important meal of the day and without it, nothing goes the way you want. It gives you the energy to keep moving, to keep trying in your day’s work even if its not easy.

I like wine with my meals and quite often, I drink more than I should. My bottle of wine represents a lot of things. Its the draught that relieves me of my stress, It was my savior’s blood, and then, its a part of the recipe for perdition.

To betray your own blood is a sin. Then what of betraying god’s blood? When I used to go to church, I promised to Jesus that I will always stand for what he stood for, as a thanks for the things he has done for me. I used to have my meal only after grace. Then I find myself walking another path, one in which I’m no longer keeping my promise. One that I chose over my promises. I drink to the fact that I’m no longer governed by the Bible. What happened to me?

Mark 3:29; But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation.

I blasphemed against a lot of things, Holy Spirit being one of them. Since as long as I can remember the wine ruled my life. Controlled my every move. Controlled your every move. It had a hold over you. It still does, no matter how much you don’t want to admit it. I’m of course, talking about all those who were once christian.

I did not choose the path of Atheism suddenly. The blood of christ has always been portrayed as the wine. There was a crimson taste that filled my mouth each time I look a sip and there was a smell of strawberries about. Religion was my sedative; I could feel nothing outside, see nothing that pulled me away from it, and I was drowning in its perfection. The blood red wine was clouding my vision of the world. Making me forget my years of torment. As if the blood of Jesus was healing my wounds. It was inside me beating, pulsing and pounding at the gate of my soul. The sweet crimson liquid was holding me too tight. Thats when you realize what’s been happening to you all alone. You are becoming addicted. I was addicted to religion.

You should only pour a little wine into the recipe, or you will ruin the flavor. I started looking beyond the Bible, explored other religions that did not respect my savior’s blood. How I loathed them, How I regarded them too unimportant, I can only imagine. I realized later on, how similar all the religions are, when one day the priest said “There is only one God, just different names” at an evening mass reading (Related post). The amount of knowledge I saw in volumes upon volumes about Hinduism, Islam, Zen and Buddhism was mind blowing.

It was an insatiable search for knowledge. That’s the beauty of knowledge– it’s self-sustaining. It triggers your thirst for more. That’s what makes browsing wikipedia so addictive. Evolution, genetics, paleontology, astronomy, particle physics and the list goes on. How could I have missed all of that was in-front of me all along? I’m intoxicated with the thought that we just might find some slip of treasure, some sliver of heaven that pierces directly to the soul, that strikes the strings of the heart. I walked slowly, step by step, realized that there was a whole world out there. At first I was in confusion. The pain of it all, to let go of what I had believed for so long. Becoming an Atheist. I thought I was stepping into the dark underworld, but however, it was my enlightenment. It was my last meal that followed grace.

If knowledge takes me to perdition and unalterable spiritual ruin; thats one trip I’m sure I wont need a book at hand to pass the time. I realized all the beauty, knowledge and human and divine compassion is not confined to just one book. Its out there. Waiting for you, at your arms reach. Just like a glass of wine.

The website’s front page and other subpages (excluding the blog) which runs on a separate extension of wordpress has been updated. Here is a list of changes.

Change-log:

• Upgraded to WordPress 2.7. - 21/12/08
• My new theme “Lets paint” replaced “Green Bike”. – 21/12/08
• A nice little widget to pull my status from Facebook was added. - 21/12/08
• My portfolio was added. - 23/12/08
• Installed Lightbox2 effect on images. – 23/12/08
• A mini RSS feed from this blog is being burned on the front page. – 24/12/08
• More illustrations to make it look more friendly =] – 24/12/08

Known Glitches:

• The Navigation bar does not load properly in any versions of Internet Explorer. (Its not exactly a glitch, its the way IE handles CSS class tags that causes this. All the more reason for you to get yourself Safari or Firefox!)

Apart from IE, its a perfect upgrade. Its a totally different approach to web-designing for me. I tried to use Primary & Secondary colors as much as I could. Just a handful of changes, but it took me five days and endless hours in Photoshop & Dreamweaver. Getting the feed in was the tricky part, Had to learn how wordpress handles PHP & RSS to get the plugin working & to customize it for my site. This way, if you are checking up on me, you get all the info on the front page itself. The portfolio has alot more things to be added. Will do that once I get time.

Let me know what you think!

-An Atheist’s thoughts on heaven, a logical one.

(Started writing this story when I was in Bahrain. Finishing it in Bangalore, an year later.)

The church was a warm comfort compared to the cold outside, and my footsteps created a solid echo that was hampered only by the low murmur of conversation and the dull explosion of fireworks. I followed a pretty little girl inside as she looked for a good spot to sit in as I looked around the beige walls and hard brown pews. She sat near the aisle and knelt in prayer before I even found a place to sit or had a chance to take my jacket off. I looked over her with pondering eyes; her head bent for the wooden cross that hung on the opposite wall. I had looked up into his sorrowful, understanding eyes and gave a nod of respect before sitting down.

This was a new experience for me. I had been to The Sacred Heart church in Manama many times before, usually consisting of a rabble of children trying to covertly talk during the sermon while fending off the biting cold. The last time I had been in church was when I was alone looking for the old writings on the walls of the mother church that I wrote when I attended bible classes in this church. The more I learned the bible, the more I walked down the path of being an Atheist. This was different though. This was a friendly place. I don’t believe in the Heaven described in any religious textbooks, but I’m just trying to think through a Logical Theists’ (Don’t laugh! they do exist, I think) perspective. A Logical theist is a person who don’t reject Logic and Scientific proofs of creation, but still believe in the fundamental concepts of Theology.

The loud tolling of the bell in the distance echoes throughout the hallow walls of the gigantic church. The large double doors swing open, light pouring into the dimly lit place. I walked out into the bight light with alot of thoughts in my mind. The effect of the place was spectacular. My thoughts were silenced, as if everything was answered. For a moment, it felt like heaven.

Do you believe in Heaven?

Not as in angels flapping around all dressed in white, playing harps and some saint at the golden gates, but some form of Heaven? And not as in simply believing in an afterlife, but believing in a Heaven, specifically. Not being dependent upon there being a Hell or there even being a God, but being dependent upon what you yourself think. As in, if you believe there’s a Heaven when you die, there is. If you don’t, there’s not.

Heaven is a hard concept for many to grasp. There are those who would think of heaven as a truly dull, boring place or as a place with endless joy. Who wants to live in the clouds, where all there is singing and worship? Well, I can only assume heaven is nothing like our strange delusions – the classical idea of walking in an endless mass of clouds and blue. And how could heaven possibly be ‘paradise’ if it is the same for everyone? If it is an eternity of clouds? Who would want that? I should think no one. I can only assume that heaven – being an eternal paradise – will be different for every soul – that’s not to say we will all be separated – more likely everyone perceives it differently.

If heaven is a collection of what remains, then it must soak in endless loss. Maybe its just the screams of saints.  The despair of the innocents.  The blood of failure. What has the human race ever done on earth thats “heavenly”? We are an unreasonable race. We slash and burn everything in-front of us. Each other and the earth itself.

The universe wastes nothing. Everything that ever existed or will exists was a part of something else before. All matter is simply transformed. The human body is also made up of the same “stuff” that exists in all complex life forms on this planet. For what’s inside the body, the soul – Most theologists say, “Just because we can’t see it, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist” and Atheists respond, “Most things that can’t be seen by our naked eye can be measured, felt, or picked up by one or the other human technology”. Maybe the answer lies in “Human Technology”. Maybe the soul can only be felt by another soul or it can only interact by what ever it is the soul is made up of (No, I’m not talking about ectoplasm in ghostbusters). Everything started with a bang, and as suggested, the universe is shrinking back to where it started. I think the universe follows a perfect wave form, explosion, implosion, and explosion again. Maybe humans are too unimportant to be saved or maybe we are, along with everything else that “lives”.

Life it seems, will fade away. Alot of people die everyday. As humans, we feel sad. We can’t hold on to the memory for ever. Soon, everything that dies will die again, within our minds. But as I said before, the universe never wastes anything. It could all be stored somewhere, or everywhere. Maybe heaven is the “after-implosion” part of the big bang, until it explodes again or another dimension. Maybe thats where the opposites, or the other side of the coin exists.

I used to believe that heaven, or religion for that matter, was what ever the believer believed. As in, every body is in charge of every soul & their body, and thus decides what will happen to it. A spiritual will, if it suits you. But only for a given amount of time – then, we loose control. It all goes back into the blender. Alot of smart people tried to explain it, including Jesus (if he had existed) and other prophets. But it was misinterpreted, just like everything else they tried to explain. It doesn’t matter what it really is. You know what it is to you. Thats all that matters. Just don’t try to kill what others think about it.

I don’t believe to be put up in-font of a court under the all powerful God, counting my steps on earth. I don’t live to arrive in a place of peace with a well preserved soul. I rather turn to ashes than dust when I’m done with my time on earth. I guess I’ll know for sure when it turns black. Death Greets me warm with my answers, now I will just say goodbye.

Its christmas eve, I’m all alone here. Apparently, everyone thinks its better to leave the grinch alone. I might ask too many questions. Here’s a toast to all those who hear me all too well. A toast to this night.

I want be stuck on an island with a hacker and a cable line. (Er, not with a typewriter like in the picture)

I’m a web-designer and writer. I code in CSS, HTML, Java and PHP. I create graphics. You know, the pretty stuff. They say you can create art with hacking, how beautiful information management can be. Now, how the hell do I jump into network security?

The problem is not that you are incapable of understanding anything. Its just that you are being denied access to information by the code itself. Most hackers will not hack for you simply because they get too many requests from alot of people or because they are wearing a hat. They follow their ethics when they are on the topic (most of them). I met alot of people online once I started looking up things like brute-forcing, dictionary-attacks, sniffing, port-scanning, social engineering and all the other terms that you find related to hacking. They won’t tell you how its done step by step. They just point directions. The thing is, it never ends. I might find something which leads another – that to another…

Almost every other hacker in the world will tell you to go READ on your own. Keep reading and reading . (feels like there is no shortage of that). I’ve been in the pursuit of learning security techniques, counter measures, exploits, linux and other things for over a year now. Thousands of pages bookmarked, tons of tutorials & softwares downloaded. Heck, I even got those flash help thingys. Learning a new language online seems pretty impossible now, all the books start with really advanced topics (it pays to have learned at least C & C++ now). As if these languages are only meant for advanced hackers (which, it probably is)

When you ask someone to help you with something, you are just being a called a n00b and throw some other wise crack on you. Or if you are lucky, you get a link, or a single line response or some dude saying something that just bounces off your head. When you research on the bouncers you simply come back to square 1. The forums are a nightmare now. I’ve got lotsa respect for the people who actually do help out and for the amazing things they can do with the Internet. But where are all those people on the Internet? (don’t tell me stumbleupon!). You hardly get one in a thousand hackers. Its so darn frustrating!

It would be great to get some help from people on “how stuff works” and not just pointing directions and getting “these are the things you need – go figure” kind of response.

-Ru

PS: if you came here by Google looking for “how to hack an account” or something: I’ll tell you what I was told when I asked that same question 2 years ago. 1) Install linux. 2) Learn PHP, JAVA, C++, Python, Perl & Ruby 3) Go hack. Its not easy and the people who can help, doesn’t make it any easier.

Then again, maybe since no one actually babysits anyone in hacking and since not many people can work around linux and backtrack, everyone isn’t hacking everyone else.