Dear website, where is your heart ?

Ah, website. How have you been? I feel like I barely know you anymore.

As I walk through your insides, the corridors look familiar, my foot steps echo in familiar sounds. I look at the thousands of lines of code I wrote on your walls, making you look more beautiful every time I read them. You are still wearing a beautiful dress that I sewed with my own bare hands; every knot and every stitch and every colour all too familiar. But something always told me that I’m always forgetting something. Maybe it was my attention to detail or maybe it was something else. I now realize that I forgot to build you a heart.

A page from my Bestfriend’s Diary.

In my Bestfriend’s diary I found another person, a lonely soul, but happy in his own space. In his diary he lived in a world of his own. He smiled, laughed and cried with the pages, telling the untold. As his pen swayed from left to right, my friend shared a pain that I still find hard to comprehend. He lived a lie, he was a different person from the one he wrote about.

I met this person from college a couple months back, R.V, as he likes to be called, became inseparable from me in a matter of days. He borrowed a new journal from me few days ago. I didn’t know what it was for -until yesterday.

Mom went to a far away place…

As you all know, my relationship with my parents isn’t such a good one. After years of living with Mom, I realized that blood isn’t the only thing that makes you family. At my houses, both in Cochin and Bahrain, I never really felt at home

“A Family is a Place, To cry, To laugh, To vent frustration, To ask for help, And tease, And yell, To be kissed and hugged and smiled at. It’s not blood that brings our ties but friendship of the third degree.” – This phrase makes me jealous each time I read it.

Broken apart by age, drifted away from each other in time, my family has not only separated each other by miles, but in hearts too. I don’t expect any of us to come together again, like we used to love. The only two people I love on this planet, and call a family is my sister & her little girl. It will always be like that, forever! because I will only let a person hurt me once.

I’m not here to ramble about my dysfunctional family, but I just wanted to share something small…

A night in my Hostel Room.

My pupils dilated, my sight unfocused on the ghostly figures dancing on the wall of my hostel room in the candle light. I sit alone feeling the warmth of the almost burnt out cigarette in my hand. The cold bitter wind bites at any exposed flesh as I listen to my cigarette burn. The only visible light is the red burning ember at the tip of my cigarette. My roommate is sleeping, not knowing that the person he is going to wake up tomorrow was awake all night; thinking, dreaming, crying in the dark and talking to shadows that only dance to the music of my life. Its as if they understand you and are nodding to everything you say. A tapestry of confusion and stress pounding in my head. What am I going to do with my life? Nineteen years wasted to get this point.

Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous.

- I’ve always wanted to use this title.

I just wish I never had an almost perfect life.

Another turn and I’m just a boy stuck in the road. Time grabs & drags you along directions you never knew. So I’ve always made the best out of it without asking why. I’ve always poured over the ultimate question; the meaning of life, which -I’m sure- is a question asked by each and every one of those who have been blessed -or cursed- with the gift of free thought. As summers & winters pass you by, you realize that life is not a question, but a lesson learned in time!

Life is always something unpredictable -cruel to some- fair to the rest. Personally, I think my life has always offered me with enough opportunities and choices, of which; some can even be considered too luxurious. I’ve missed out on some, but still – I’m just too lucky, compared to most of my fellow beings. Time moves so fast, the innocent can never endure the cruel and unforgiving world.

Wrong Shoes!!

Dear Diary,

I went to pick up Angeline & Evelyn from the airport today. The Bangalore flight arrived 20 minutes earlier than expected in Cochin International. Needless to say, I was still on my way to the airport at well over 100Kms/Hr. Anjechi called me and said that she would wait up front after getting her luggage.

Minutes later, I payed the parking fees for the Airport, picked up my phone from the dashboard and and walked to the gates. Dialing Anjechi‘s cell on my way. I saw Evie next to her mom pushing the trolley (she thinks she is a big help for mommy) the minute Anjechi picked up the phone. We both said “hello” together, looking at each other with a huge glass pane separating us. It had been 2 months since I saw Evie on my last trip to Bangalore in June. She hid her face behind Mommy when she got sight me standing at the domestic flights’ arrival gates.

Even after Evie’s 2nd birthday, I still don’t feel like an uncle.